Christmas-ish

12.26.2009

A Christmas for the books, indeed.

Gareth had to make a last minute trip home, so my plans were up in the air. Luckily the lovely Jenea was coming into town, and her boyfriend was also back in Europe for the holidays. We ended up spending Christmas Eve at Adam & Megan's, along with another couple who works for Wall Street. We ate a few goodies and talked about all things China, all things teaching English, traveling, current affairs... etc. It was good conversation, good wine, and good times.

We let our good times go on a little too long, though-- Jenea and I were headed home around 4 am. Then, deciding we were hungry (for breakfast?) we [*cough* Jenea] decided to order Mickey D's for delivery. [Yes, China has 24-hour McDelivery, complete with an English hotline.] This is where the night took a turn for the worse....

The delivery showed up, but was completely wrong. So two tipsy girls that speak little Chinese when sober were trying to explain to a McD's delivery man who spoke no English that the order was wrong and we didn't want to pay.

I was pointing at the receipt, which was all in Chinese, saying:

"Zhe shi Kole ma?" (This is Cola?)

"Zhe shi tudou ma?" (This is potato?) [closest I could get to french fries]

"Zhe shi ji ma?" (This is chicken?) [McNuggets]

"Zhe shi shenma?" (What's this?)

To the first 3 questions, he confirmed. To the last question he said something I didn't understand, but then it hit me.

"Zhe shi ni ma?" (This is you?) [closest I could get to 'delivery charge']

At that last question we both laughed, but it quickly stopped being funny after that. After about 4 phone calls back to Mickey D's between us and him, we finally settled on paying a lower price for the wrong order. The last thing we wanted was for this poor guy to have to get in trouble (it clearly wasn't his fault) but we also didn't feel we should pay some giant stupid corporation for something that was clearly wrong.

So, at 6 am on Christmas morning, when children should be racing to the Christmas tree to see what Santa brought, I was banging my head on the kitchen counter saying, "I don't caaaaaaaaaaaare! I just want to go to bed!"--in both Chinese and English-- with a confused McDelivery man in the living room and a livid Jenea on the phone.

Definitely a Christmas morning I will never forget.

Thanksgiving in Beijing

11.29.2009

I have to admit, I was getting a bit frantic when I realized I only had a handful of American friends here in Beijing, and the only one throwing a party & dinner was holding it on the day after Thanksgiving. Not only did I feel sad at the thought of doing nothing on the actual day, but I realized I wouldn't even be able to attend the Friday party either.

After reaching out to a few others, turns out my British boyfriend had an American friend/coworker who was trying to set up a small dinner at an American restaurant that serves the traditional fixings on Thanksgiving. So I ended up going to a place called, "Grandma's Kitchen" with 5 other Americans and 1 British person for our 'traditional' dinner. We paid about $30 each for a set menu that included an appetizer, salad, and soup, then a main course of turkey, mashed potatoes (regular & sweet potato), gravy, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. Our dessert choices were pumpkin or apple pie. Oh and we got a glass of red wine or a beer with our meal. Not too shabby for $30.

One of the girls at our dinner, Annie, brought some homemade oatmeal/chocolate chip/walnut cookies. We were completely stuffed but ate them anyway because none of us had had homemade cookies in ages.

After dinner, we then went to a small alley of hutongs that have shops & bars & cafes and went into a cozy Spanish bar to drink some hot mulled wine. It was my first time drinking mulled wine... it was really nice on a cold night and definitely put me in the holiday mood.

At dinner, I had tried to justify eating in a restaurant by saying we didnt have to spend all day in the kitchen and wouldnt have to worry about dishes or cleaning up afterward. My friend Jenea just looked at me and said, "but i like cooking and baking for Thanksgiving!" I said, "Ya....I do, too. Thanks for not letting me pysch myself out!"

Wasn't the most traditional or ideal Thanksgiving, but we made the most of it. I certainly missed my family and real homemade cooking-- I wished I had been in my real grandma's kitchen! But I'm truly grateful for my friends abroad and the chance to share international holidays with people from all over.

Random Pictrures of Daily Life

8.21.2009

Some random pics I took....

My modest living room.

Things I see for sale on the streets on my 4 minute walk to work.

My lovely workplace.

My old little baby bedroom (I've now moved into the master bedroom).

View from my balcony during a nice sunset.

More pics of the complex I live in.

Wo Shi Zhende Zhongguoren Jintian

8.09.2009

Translation: I was really Chinese today.

When I got home from work today, I immediately started to change out of my work clothes. I got distracted somehow... I think maybe I suddenly needed to xiao bian... and so I went to the bathroom. After washing my hands, I figured I'd wash my face. In the middle of washing my face, I heard some super angry Chinese yelling coming through the windows on my balcony. As it got angrier, my curiosity got the best of me. Despite being in the middle of washing my face, I went out on my balcony to see what all the commotion was about.

Two men were screaming at each other. I thought they'd fight at any moment. Four random people just stood next to them and watched, and every person walking by slowed for at least a short look. Next to the randoms, stood two "security guards" (looking no older than 14 years old, as usual) who surely would do nothing if they did indeed get physical. As I surveyed the scene, I thought, "This is so Chinese." Then I thought about what I was doing: I was on my balcony washing my face, dripping water and face wash on my interesting outfit-- half work clothes, half pajamas-- and watching the fight just as intensely as the randoms.

Wo de tian, I am SO Chinese.

Have a More Chinglish?

6.23.2009

I'm pretty sure I found the Mecca of Chinglish: Happy Valley amusement park. Not only was every sign grammatically incorrect and/or full of misspellings, the words on the sign were often completely irrelevant. For example, a sign for a carnival game that read "Hang Precious Bottles" was actually a game of throwing balls into cups. [I would upload some pictures on here to demonstrate what I mean, but alas, the Great China FireWall continues to block blogger.com, so I only have text access through a proxy site at this point.]

There was also the "Crazy Drunkard" game-- ring toss.
The "Beat Mice" game-- another ball tossing game.
And don't forget the "Milk Factory" game [I was too scared to go near that one].

There were a few signs that nearly got the names right; the dart throwing stand was labeled "Rapid Dartlike" and yet another ball throwing game was called "Throw Balls WTO The Bud." We never were quite sure what the game called "CO Percent Sure" entailed, but we were CO% sure we didn't want to waste our money finding out.


I send and receive texts almost daily to/from friends claiming we have spotted the "Chinglish of the Day." Here are some of the gems we've seen in the last few weeks:


MINUTEMEN
MEATPUPPETS
DESCENDANTS
ANGST.
(on a woman's tote bag)


WET
(on a young girl's shirt)


NO PAINT
NO GAINS
(worn by a middle aged woman)


zeroclan pirate looking the first choice and you?
(on a woman's shirt)


HIT ME WIT YOUR BEST SHOT!
--with a picture of a radio--
(on a guy's shirt)


Hi. You'll do.
(worn by a young Chinese guy)
[not Chinglish, but definitely hilarious]


F*CK
IN THE
BOX
--written in the form of the "Jack in the Box" logo--
(worn by a young Chinese guy)
[again, not Chinglish, but I had to wonder if he had any idea what he was wearing]


And last but not least, I saw a Spanglish shirt on a Korean guy on the subway:
CRITIC-
yo soy a real chicano
but why mi parents no latino?


Yay for easy & free entertainment wherever one goes. Wo ai Zhongguo.

Lights Out

5.05.2009

My power ran out while I was getting ready for work today. My roommate told me that I should recharge the electricity in "at least 7 days" (yesterday) and that I should go to "China Construction Bank" to do it.

After getting ready in the dark, I ran down the street to China Construction Bank in the squelching heat and in my work clothes and shoes (which are neither comfortable nor cool). As I approach some train tracks, I hear the sound alerting that a train is coming. I see the gates start to close. I realize by the time the train passes, I will not have time to go to the bank and make it to work on time. I stop, seemingly defeated. I see a few Chinese guys running at full speed to beat the closing gates. Hmmm… Now, these aren’t “gates” like the American ones—skinny planks that drop down. No, no, these are actual metal gates that fully close. Maybe it was the heat causing me not to think clearly, or maybe I’ve been living in China for too long [the latter is more likely], but I ignored the guards already yelling at people running past and dashed through the gates, seconds before they closed.

Death narrowly escaped, I go inside CC bank and ask someone where to pay for my electricity. The answer is that I have to go to ICBC bank to pay my electricity. Awesome. Go inside an ICBC near by. It is hot, sticky, and awful. Again, I ask where to charge my card, and they tell me to get a number. There are 30 people ahead of me; I have to be at work in 20 minutes. I leave and head towards work, deciding to stop by the other ICBC that is on the way. [By “on the way” I mean the one that is literally right next door to Wall Street. As in the one I could have casually strolled to in the first place, had I known that’s where I needed to go]. I walk through the doors and a man speaking English and a blast of air conditioned air greet me. I tell him meiyou dian and hold out my card. He asks for my VIP card. I stare in confusion. He tells me it is a VIP center only: no VIP card, no can do. As I turned to leave, I guess my sweat-drenched, pathetic, tear-brink look affected him in some way because he stopped me and said, “Ok you can this time. Next time you go to another.” I sank with relief on a plush black leather couch. I was asked to come to a window 45 seconds after sitting. [I wonder how much a VIP card costs??]. Paid 100 RMB ($15) to recharge the card and rushed next door to work. It was 5 minutes to 2:00. Plenty of time to run back home and turn my electricity on! I dropped my stuff off, sprinted home, (found my roommate sitting in the dark), put the card into our meter, flipped a few switches, changed my sweat drenched shirt into a dry one, and darted back to work.

I was a few minutes late, hot, and flustered, but proud that I had somehow pulled off this feat in a very short time. I briefly longed for the days of simply paying your electricity by a click of a few buttons online or even having it automatically taken from your account while you sleep… imagine that! But shrugged it off and declared today what we expats like to call an “OIC” day: Only In China. We talk about OIC moments like we hate them, but we all know that we secretly live for them... otherwise we wouldn't be here!

I've Been Cupped!

4.29.2009

In my last blog about living in the Wu, I mentioned that my masseuse asked me if I wanted to get "cupped" to help my cold and cough. I would guess that most people don't know what this is exactly; it is an ancient Eastern practice. The only time I know that people in the West were talking about it was when Gwyneth Paltrow exposed a few "cupping marks" at a premiere about 8 years ago.

Sixiao had done it once shortly after she arrived in Beijing-- she sent me pictures of her back afterward and I was mortified. It looked really painful. She assured me it was useful. I remained skeptical.

When my masseuse asked me the other night, I began to say no, but then stopped to consider. My cold & cough was actually extra bothersome since I am now back in the classroom-- running a phonetic class for survival level students isn't exactly easy when everything you say comes out with a nasal tone and pausing to cough between every instruction isn't desirable, either. Curiosity also played a factor in my considering. I was curious about the process, how it would feel, and mostly if it would be at all effective. Even if it didn't work, though, I thought to myself, "Hey it's China. I'll try anything once. Why not?" With that mentality, the last but not least of my deciding factors was: "Duo shao qian?" (How much money?)

"San shi," he said. (30 RMB/$4).

"Hao de. Yao." (Good. I want it).

He left the room and came jingling back in a few minutes later pushing a cart overflowing with round glass jars, like the ones on the right.

He pulled a curtain shut and asked me to remove my shirt and lay face down. "Keyi ma?" (Alright?)

Once I was lying face down, he unsnapped my bra [Yes, this was awkward. I reprimanded myself for not thinking to do this] and rubbed some kind of oil or lotion up and down my back. After I was oiled up, I heard the click of a lighter as he prepared the first cup. I felt it leech on. I tensed up.

"Tong ma?" (Hurt?) he asked.

"Yi dian dian," (A little) I replied. He took the cup, now suctioned onto my skin, and glided it up and down, down and up. He repeated this process with 3 different cups.

During my full body massage just before this, my stuffy nose had been getting extra stuffy as I laid face down, coughing sporadically through the hole of the massage table. After the second "gliding" cup my nose was completely clear & my urge to cough had disappeared. I was amazed, but still skeptical. Could this really work?

Once the gliding portion was finished, I heard him prepare another cup and stuck it firmly on my lower back. Then another. So it went --cup, flame, suck! cup, flame, suck!-- until there were 15 glass cups sticking to my back and shoulders. Some hurt more than others as some had a tighter vacuum and some has less skin to suck onto (like on my shoulder blade). With all cups strategically in place, he lay a blanket over me and my 15 new appendages and left the room.

It is hard to describe the feeling of 15 glass jars pulling on your skin simultaneously. Okay, not hard to describe-- impossible to describe. The best way I can explain it is that it almost feels as though you have 15 glass jars pulling on your skin simultaneously.

After an intense 10 or 15 minutes, my guy came back into the room. He proceeded to remove each cup by pushing down on the skin next to the cups and sliding his finger under the rim until it came off with a pop! I was told to lay there for a few more minutes and was given hot tea to sip on. After my tea was finished, I was told I could get dressed and go home, but to make sure I didn't shower or bathe that night. (No clue why).

My back felt a little tender and I figured I'd be bruised by the next day. When I got home and looked in the mirror, though, I saw this:


Instantaneous bruises!! I couldn't believe it. Way darker than I had envisioned, too.

For the next few days, I couldn't sleep on my back or even sit back in a chair. Did it cure my cold and cough? Nope. I was left with the cold, cough, 15 bruises, and the inability to wear any tanktops in public. My friend asked me if I regretted doing it. I replied that the experience was cool, but it was the bruising that sucked! [Then I realized it was also the sucking that bruised]. While I have no regrets it is definitely something I would do once and only once!